Yes, Straight Men, Gays Check You Out!!!

“I don’t want some gay dude checking me out!”

I have never quite understood that line used by some straight men who don’t want to be anywhere near a gay man, but perhaps I am missing something.  Is there some magical telepathic link which is made when a gay man looks at another man that will force them to engage in some lewd sexual act?  Maybe only at the gay bars, and even that isn’t guaranteed.

Two people communicating by telepathy. Digital illustration.

Telepathic sex would be less of a hassle and easier to clean up.

Alas!  There is no telepathic connection that joins two people of different sexual orientations, unless you want to classify gaydar as such.  I won’t lie though, I wish there was some magic link to bag a hot hetero stud.  It would make it all so much easier – bottles of wine do run up a bill, and picking the right music or film quite tiresome.

Whatever the fear may be, my fellow scared straights, I am not here to make things any less rough for you.  Fact is that gay men, and I presume lesbian women, do give a look and see.  Since other women seem to be much more laid back about the issue than the men, I will focus more on what this means, and what it does not mean for a heterosexual male.

First, what does it mean?  Quite simply, it shows that just like you, we are prone to finding complete strangers attractive.  Have you never taken a peek at a hot body on the beach, maybe even followed by a sharp pinch on the arm by your wives or girlfriends?  If you are smart you wear sunglasses and glance all you want. Have you never gotten a little look while the shop attendant turned around to get you your order?  Or for the more professional gazer: Have you never done a quick side glance so you don’t miss that hot body that just passed by you on a busy city sidewalk?  Stop with the holier than thou attitude. People look!!!  Even your wives and girlfriends.  If it’s done discretely, and respectfully, everybody goes home happy.

And now what it doesn’t mean?  A gay guy checking a straight man out is in no way related to the, “Sodom-and-Gomorrah-let’s-rape-his-ass”, type of leering that straight guys like to portray it as.  In fact, leering, cat calls, ogling, and other forms of over the top demonstrations of sexual desire are disrespectful ways to treat anyone, and should not be welcomed or accepted.  But straight men should know this already, since women complain about it all the time.

Most people don’t want to have a set of eyes focused squarely on them.  Remember when our elementary school teachers did it?  It probably freaked you out then, but it’s even freakier when we are adults and we know the gaze is coming from some weirdo stranger who wants to see us naked.   This is common sense for most, and for this reason most gay men would never do it.  Aside from being extremely rude and disrespectful, they know they would receive a well deserved ass beating immediately after.  I am sure if more women gave off that same ass beating vibe maybe some men would stop doing it to them too.  Men be on alert though, women these days are hitting that gym harder than ever.

So let’s get real.  Like most, “I’m not homophobic, but…,” arguments that plead for gay people keep their “gayness” in the closet, or at least “in check”, this one stems less from a fear of gays than a fear of a destabilization of a sexist power structure.  Again, it is no coincidence that this silly complaint is made mostly by men rather than by women.  I would venture to guess that the root lies in that when men are the targets of the erotic glances and have to face the negative feelings that go with it they are forced, even if unconsciously, to consider how all the women they sexualize feel about it when they are the targets, or at the very least they feel like the women themselves.  And who wants to feel like a weak, powerless woman?

So, straight men, wake up!!!  Get with it!!!  If another man looks at your ass and cock it won’t fall off and you won’t feel a burn in the morning.  Keep going to wherever it is you were going, or leave your number discretely on a napkin.

Sagging5

Saggy pants.  A terrible fashion trend I fully support.

In closing, there are usually two types of men who seem to be most afraid of being checked out by another man.  The first is the super macho, thugged out, gangsta, whatever type.  To you I say: “If you don’t want another man looking at your junk, pull your fucking pants up!!!  Or not.”

 

And the other type is the sort of guy that thinks that just because he has a penis every gay man on the planet want to fuck him.  This is simply not the case. To you I say: “Lose a few pounds, fix that haircut, maybe work on the wardrobe, then you can start considering if a gay person (or another woman for that matter) will be looking at you to begin with.”

My sincere hope is that straight men realize that gay men are no different than they are.  They wake up, go to work, eat and get horny too.  They watch porn, they check out the hotties, they laugh about it with their friends.  If you do notice that someone did peek a bit longer than usual, don’t get mad, be proud, you got your game on lock.  It’s not every man that is considered a catch for both sexes.  And if some strange feeling does arise in you when another man recognizes your beauty … remember: “nobody makes you gay” and we can explain to you exactly what that means in detail over dinner.  Pick you up at 6?

 

P. Ray

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One Response to Yes, Straight Men, Gays Check You Out!!!

  1. Pingback: The Art of Not Giving a Fuck – while still caring for others! | Brazusa's Blog

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